Parenting from Afar
May 29, 2008
I just returned from Reading, England a small community 20 minutes south of London in Great Britain where my hotel was located. Newbury, another small town (about 15 minutes train ride further south), was my residence some 20 years ago. I spent 3 years there as a Sgt. in the US Air Force. During my time there, I fostered a child just two months prior to my honorable discharge. She has been born and raised in England.
It has been far too long since my last visit, a few weeks ago as I sat awaiting the appearance of my beautiful child, I was reminded that I was in the moment I had envisioned for so long and prayed about so fervently. I was visiting my soon to be 18 year old daughter, Shaniqua Nicole who I couldn’t wait to see again. She too thought it had been far too long since seeing me.
Shaniqua is in Junior College seeking to find her way as a Fashion major. Her birthday is June 6th. She loves clothing and all aspects of the Fashion industry including fashion photography. She is a bright energetic young woman who has had physical and emotional adversity to overcome in her short stint on Earth because of a spinal surgery from issues found out at birth. Not to mention the emotional pain of having a father who lives thousands of miles away in the United States. I am truly graced by her forgiveness and willingness to attempt to understand a father who had not made the trek across the friendly skies in recent years.
Our meeting was a delight as we shared from A to Z about life. No subject was off limits as we breached sex, marriage, religion, finance, love, drugs, education, children, parenting to name a few. She was very candid, open and honest. It was more than I could have asked for by any stretch of the imagination! One of the amazing things about my daughter is her compassion for others. She frequently spoke of assisting friends with their issues and attempting to get them to see it for themselves. She even encouraged me to work harder on my relationship with her grandfather.
Shaniqua has had to grow up fast living with her single mom and being an only child. I can’t tell you the joy I experienced sitting for 4 hours in a lovely Indian restaurant just discussing life with my child. To see and hear the compassion and insight of a 17 year old for relationship issues was remarkable. I am truly appreciative for the opportunity to travel the miles and spend what was a very short but much needed stay. If you have a strained or even non existent relationship with a child I believe it is paramount that you take the risk and make contact. Keep making contact. Keep seeking connection through whatever means necessary. Even if it is by email, cards, letters or by phone even if it means fighting through adversity and eating crow for previous mistakes or absence!
There is forgiveness and healing awaiting you. If you think no one understands well I do! And if you want to know how important it is to the child? There aren’t words to describe it but write me and I’ll try!
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